Epiphany Of The Jaded Reprobate

I wonder will my productive mind still work on all cylinders if I stay up another 10 hours, I've been awake around 19 hours, i usually work all night, and sleep while the daughter is at school. I have yet to sleep since yesterday, and I have footy in 4 hours.

Much to do, not enough time....I have bounds of energy!!

I don't think like most people, I don't believe what the media, government and America tells me. You may read this and say, hell yeah i'm like you. I shrug my shoulders and think doubt that.

The BNP argument has overshadowed the fact that the other parties screwed expenses....but that's ok, because they aren't "racist".

Has anyone actually endured the BNP policies and read everything, the fineprint so to speak. Or are people going on the media, what the divvy spouts and what the other government parties want us to think?

Every party has a prejudice, just some aren't as vocal and apparent as the stupid BNP. But what I'm baffled by, is how can the BNP be nazi's? The policies state that they will stop immigration(bit of a tricky one that) and that they will offer non brits money to go home.....funny because how they will find everyone and ask them is beyond me.

If they ever came into power, which is highly unlikely, they would have an empty country.

As for why people vote BNP, it's because of the current government and their lack of rules, even I'm pissed off with the whole saga.

EVERY political party has at least one policy I like, if I could put those into one party for me, I'd gladly vote. But what's the point, my view will never be listened to, we will continue to be America's bitch and women will still be treated like we are.

But think about this, EVERYONE has a prejudice, whether it be fat people, lazy bastards, different races, gays, old people, chavs, the police etc....it's just you either hide it well or it's more accepted in todays society. Mine is people who speak another language in front of you, when they speak damn good english. Am I racist? Nope, I just like manners

I'm in a good mood tonight, but I still think people are in a box, you don't like thinking out of the box, and when someone does it scares people half to death. I don't think the BNP have it right at all, but neither has labour etc.

If a party makes you react in a good or bad way, is it because you have read and listened to them, or because the MEDIA has made you think that way.......

While I'm no hitler, if i could get rid of certain people, like abusers say, I'd cleanse this god forsaken hell hole of the bastards. But that is acceptable.....funny old world isn't it

Another thought for you......have you ever watched the news in the morning, then come home from work, watched it again and the figures have changed, or one grain of information is then made into a whole saga?  They publish what they want you to think, they only show certain things in Afghanistan and they can make or break a celebrity......

I've chatted with people saying they think like me, I'm unique, just like you, but im unique to a point where I think out of the box all the time, and I refuse to judge on what the tv, radio, newspaper
and news tells me.

This isn't aimed at anyone, I'm just thinking out loud, gets it off my chest

I can write a poem pretty easily, if the subject is something I relate to, adore or empathize with. My homework, due Monday, is a dramatic monologue......I am so trying to write one that isn't rhyming, but it's me, it's my style.

I am telling myself to change my style so I can add more under my belt of tricks, I don't need to change it dramatically, it just needs to have different styles.......I'm up shit creek without a paddle! I can't make a monologue flow when it doesn;t rhyme.....and between me and you....Not unless you are a remarkable poet, I find unrhyming poems boring to read sometimes.

Oh buggery!

They say you make your own fate, they say smile and the world smiles with you.......

what bollocks!

Paypal are holding £203, because they think someone has accessed my account that shouldn't have.....hmmm....they now want to know everything....i'm tempted to also send a pair of knickers for their viewing pleasure.

I have to get away from here, so i was hoping to use that money for a trip to France, I want to stay in France for a while, absorb the creative nature and culture....

My poetry IS good enough....I was shocked that the people i had to workship with, thought i only had only 2 things that needed adjusting....some of these people older and accomplished, inclduing my tutor. Boosted me, but made me feel sad, as I still don't think I can maintain my poetry.....why the hell did I have to get dragged up with a low self esteem! ARGGHH

Some other things are going on, mostly though I'm just a female version of Jack Dee.

Twatter, i mean twitter sucks arse, I wish it would piss off

Relationships are hard for anyone, but for the 4th time in the last 2 weeks I've read articles on why a bipolar woman is no good to be with. This morning the fantastic Alec gave me a link to a blog.

I have had a relationship with my daughters father on and off, both had issues and got ourselves sorted, now I am happy in my life. The relationships I struggle with are friends and family. If people and bitter males would actually shut the fuck up and push the government to research mental health problems, and most importantly bipolar, we'd maybe know better ways of dealing with it and not just using a drug that was founded by an aussie 50 years ago.

I hate my label, I hate this bloody illness, it's a chuffin curse I can never walk away from, i'd have a better success rate with cancer. I also hate small minded bastards who write articles, because some woman told him to fuck off.

And the things they state on if you are in a bipolar relationship....could also be for an abuser, drunk, druggy, steriod user and a control freak.....so it means jack shit....it's laughable

http://www.disorderdirectory.com/articles/index.php?id=53

And to the small minded dicks out there.....if I was so jealous and checked up on my boyfriend, why is it I shut off from him, I walked away because I thought I didn;t need anyone....and that I wouldn't talk to him, or communicate....thats the real side of bipolar

I had a knock of confidence this week, my writing is different to that of people around me, mostly at Uni. I say things in a different way, it almost seems uncouth. I often say what I feel on blogs, be it right or wrong. I listened to peoples poetry in class, mine was different......I read it out and to me it sounded less polished, less clever and it rhymed.

I went quiet after that, I thought I was the stupid one.

It's now been brought to my attention, my writing is unique and that is why mine stood out. I don't buy this, because everyones sounded the same, they flowed, sounded intelligent and beautiful.

I am going to keep writing, and hope that I can write like my class.

I bought my Doors dvd's, and they came today, I'm happy. I have come to the conclusion that I need to move out of this country, it's been said I will. I hope to write and get somewhere, that's not full of selfish people, who have no idea of history, poetry and real culture.

Part of me likes the bohemian life, the beatniks were crazy.....but I know I don't fit in here, I don't fit this way of life and I never have. I fit elsewhere.

I want more, I can get more and I am going to get more. I've felt like this since forever, I don't think it's bi polar related, I think I fit a more laid back, music loving society with lots of culture....Italy is something I'm tempted by :)