That is all.

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I am comfortably into my writing and poetry, and regulary sending articles into different places and I have been asked to write a piece on mental health for the cube.
I am also getting  involved in activist rallies, I'm anti establishment and instead of whinging about the state of things, I like doing something about it productively.

Tony Benn has sparked my interest even more so, and I love his frank openess. He's someone who inspires.

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Much to do, not enough time....I have bounds of energy!!

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The BNP argument has overshadowed the fact that the other parties screwed expenses....but that's ok, because they aren't "racist".

Has anyone actually endured the BNP policies and read everything, the fineprint so to speak. Or are people going on the media, what the divvy spouts and what the other government parties want us to think?

Every party has a prejudice, just some aren't as vocal and apparent as the stupid BNP. But what I'm baffled by, is how can the BNP be nazi's? The policies state that they will stop immigration(bit of a tricky one that) and that they will offer non brits money to go home.....funny because how they will find everyone and ask them is beyond me.

If they ever came into power, which is highly unlikely, they would have an empty country.

As for why people vote BNP, it's because of the current government and their lack of rules, even I'm pissed off with the whole saga.

EVERY political party has at least one policy I like, if I could put those into one party for me, I'd gladly vote. But what's the point, my view will never be listened to, we will continue to be America's bitch and women will still be treated like we are.

But think about this, EVERYONE has a prejudice, whether it be fat people, lazy bastards, different races, gays, old people, chavs, the police etc....it's just you either hide it well or it's more accepted in todays society. Mine is people who speak another language in front of you, when they speak damn good english. Am I racist? Nope, I just like manners

I'm in a good mood tonight, but I still think people are in a box, you don't like thinking out of the box, and when someone does it scares people half to death. I don't think the BNP have it right at all, but neither has labour etc.

If a party makes you react in a good or bad way, is it because you have read and listened to them, or because the MEDIA has made you think that way.......

While I'm no hitler, if i could get rid of certain people, like abusers say, I'd cleanse this god forsaken hell hole of the bastards. But that is acceptable.....funny old world isn't it

Another thought for you......have you ever watched the news in the morning, then come home from work, watched it again and the figures have changed, or one grain of information is then made into a whole saga?  They publish what they want you to think, they only show certain things in Afghanistan and they can make or break a celebrity......

I've chatted with people saying they think like me, I'm unique, just like you, but im unique to a point where I think out of the box all the time, and I refuse to judge on what the tv, radio, newspaper
and news tells me.

This isn't aimed at anyone, I'm just thinking out loud, gets it off my chest

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I am telling myself to change my style so I can add more under my belt of tricks, I don't need to change it dramatically, it just needs to have different styles.......I'm up shit creek without a paddle! I can't make a monologue flow when it doesn;t rhyme.....and between me and you....Not unless you are a remarkable poet, I find unrhyming poems boring to read sometimes.

Oh buggery!

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what bollocks!

Paypal are holding £203, because they think someone has accessed my account that shouldn't have.....hmmm....they now want to know everything....i'm tempted to also send a pair of knickers for their viewing pleasure.

I have to get away from here, so i was hoping to use that money for a trip to France, I want to stay in France for a while, absorb the creative nature and culture....

My poetry IS good enough....I was shocked that the people i had to workship with, thought i only had only 2 things that needed adjusting....some of these people older and accomplished, inclduing my tutor. Boosted me, but made me feel sad, as I still don't think I can maintain my poetry.....why the hell did I have to get dragged up with a low self esteem! ARGGHH

Some other things are going on, mostly though I'm just a female version of Jack Dee.

Twatter, i mean twitter sucks arse, I wish it would piss off

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I have had a relationship with my daughters father on and off, both had issues and got ourselves sorted, now I am happy in my life. The relationships I struggle with are friends and family. If people and bitter males would actually shut the fuck up and push the government to research mental health problems, and most importantly bipolar, we'd maybe know better ways of dealing with it and not just using a drug that was founded by an aussie 50 years ago.

I hate my label, I hate this bloody illness, it's a chuffin curse I can never walk away from, i'd have a better success rate with cancer. I also hate small minded bastards who write articles, because some woman told him to fuck off.

And the things they state on if you are in a bipolar relationship....could also be for an abuser, drunk, druggy, steriod user and a control freak.....so it means jack shit....it's laughable

http://www.disorderdirectory.com/articles/index.php?id=53

And to the small minded dicks out there.....if I was so jealous and checked up on my boyfriend, why is it I shut off from him, I walked away because I thought I didn;t need anyone....and that I wouldn't talk to him, or communicate....thats the real side of bipolar

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I went quiet after that, I thought I was the stupid one.

It's now been brought to my attention, my writing is unique and that is why mine stood out. I don't buy this, because everyones sounded the same, they flowed, sounded intelligent and beautiful.

I am going to keep writing, and hope that I can write like my class.

I bought my Doors dvd's, and they came today, I'm happy. I have come to the conclusion that I need to move out of this country, it's been said I will. I hope to write and get somewhere, that's not full of selfish people, who have no idea of history, poetry and real culture.

Part of me likes the bohemian life, the beatniks were crazy.....but I know I don't fit in here, I don't fit this way of life and I never have. I fit elsewhere.

I want more, I can get more and I am going to get more. I've felt like this since forever, I don't think it's bi polar related, I think I fit a more laid back, music loving society with lots of culture....Italy is something I'm tempted by :)

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It's been an alright day, I've shopped, had a nice meal with the fella and daughter and nothing untoward has happened. Thing is, for weeks I get the constant nagging in my head and the absolute fear that most people don't get me. I can act normal, or push down my moods and fake being competant, but when I'm home I have to stop pushing those feelings down. This is tiring, and sometimes you can't fight yourself, and yourself takes over. You think you have super human senses, like right now I keep thinking I can see the air aerate around me. I have moments that I feel I am not here, so i'm invicible.....I know thinking rationally this isn't normal, but it takes over.

I feel so alone, I am trying to find another me, and I won't as Im unique, as we all are. But someone that likes to chill to music, likes the unknown, poetry, jim morrison, and a few other things. I have a morbid sense of curiosity...this has to be hidden from everyone but my other half....People really don't understand different, I wish I was like the Andy Kaufmans, Jim Morrisons, Janis Joplin and Kurt Cobain....THese people didn't hide it from no one....I hide mine.

I could say so much on blogs, but somethings people don't need to know,  I am who I am.

I still find the world a shitty place, it's corrupt and selfish, people don't see the talent until people are dead.....People are blind to everything but themselves. Maybe the world should go on one big acid trip.....

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I have a friend Cheryl who is one of the most talented singers ever, she sings on backing vocals and dance songs for various people. Her most famous client is Jay-Z, I've never met him, but I've seen photos and her name appear on albums. We decided last year to try out for X factor, it wasn't for us to ever be famous, but she wanted to show me I can sing.

The process was funny, you sing in front of production first, after 4 hours I got to sing and they put me forward. I said thanks but no thanks. I realised I would be used and probably made a fool of, not because of my singing, but I don't look like a pop star.

You can say look at Adele, Alison Moyet and what not, but these ladies aren't full on main stream, it is hard being fat. I watched X factor the last 2 weeks, and the fat ones were the best singers, but Simon didn't put any through. Tonight Miss Frank were good, but due to their non skinny frames, someone like Simon won't give them a chance. Danyl the other great singer.....got shit for being great.

I look at how the public will be, and the shallow nature of this shithole we call Britain, will show me that I made the right choice and someone like me, different would never be appreciated by the majority of the wankers here....maybe the whole world.

I know there are a few nice people, we tend to gravitate to the same places, like blogs, but outside of the places I go to....the world is still one massive dump full of knobheads.

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I feel a little down over a few things and unlike most normal people, I yearn for the weekends to be over. We work mostly and have more fun in the week, I also go to uni on a monday.

Today has been one of those draining days, and I may have to have some therapy over my search for my dad. I am now facing the fact I won't find him, and that I can't make my own decision on whether he is worth knowing. This has been made for me....I think if I had trusted my Mothers judgement and not baffled by her lying, I would have believed he wasn't worth finding. People change in 30 years, she sure as shit has.

Trust is a major issue for me, it's something I find hard to do. It's a sad fact but there's no one on this planet I trust 100%, but I am trying to think that friends and family won't fuck me over...it works most days with the good people.

I've been let down by a few people who should have been supporting me, I feel like this, but I strive to be something better for my kid. I once got told I dwell on things and make myself to be a victim....looking back, the person who said those words does exactly that.

I'm making something of myself, my child is ace and all because I brought her up. For whatever reason a mother can't bring up her child, sometimes it's due to the lack of intelligence and maturity.....the kids of tomorrow have been dragged up and it will show in years to come. Most people carry on the pattern of their parents, a choice few, like me do the opposite.

Without sounding all suicidal and depressed, I'm just so bloody frustrated by everything.....The most apparent one is lack of intelligence with people who live where I live. There's also society settling for what we are given, music is another thing......

Everything is choreographed, everything is staged, everything seems clinical....I am utterly bored by musicians today, except a few indie, jazz, rock and soul bands/singers.

What happen to a band going with the flow, jamming, making up shit on stage? People admire Beyonce, Gaga and Perry.....for me they are boring, clinical and lack of charisma....Gorgeous though...and that's what it's all about in todays world.

I am truly fucking bored of how we live in the world, I understand why artists, musicians and writers of Cobain, Morrison, Poe and a few others felt frustrated and misunderstood.

The world leaders want a world of lemmings, and the funny thing is.....they are getting it. Being an individual in this world, it gets you nowhere, you can have funny hair, and wear outrageous clothes......but to be a true individual is something very very unique, and only a handful of people have ever managed to pull off.

It makes me question so much, and I can barely stand to watch TV, it's packed with shite, even documentrys seem fake in one way or another.

While I don't agree with certain crazy people and dictators in the world,but I can see why these people try and change the world, into what they perceive as right.

Free country? I don't feel free, I don't feel like I can fully make my own choices and I feel let down by the whole system.

And why does cancer research get so much money, when they still have no fucking clue what causes bi polar? They at least got a few cures for cancer....lucky them

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I have ideas for short stories and poems, which is nice to work from.

My daughter has been doing loads of quizzes on facebook, but apparently it is me who runs her profile.....The Dingles have surpassed themselves on this one, my kid has opinions and I sure as shit allow her to express them.

We chuckled a lot tonight, and thank god the Dingles are no more

I am still looking at extra classes, but with work I have to balance everything and not over do myself.

I can't wait to see my Nan this Sunday, I get my weekly hug and fuss. It's nice to feel loved, and it's great to be encouraged to write

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I went to the Uni library, and it is currently under renovations.....I couldn't find jack shit, and I have now reserved the books I need on MUSE (the online system for students) I got no idea if they tell me my books are ready LOL

My Lecturer is called Rob Hindle, he's had works published and is encouraging me to do so too, I am now kick starting it all again and talking to the lady I used to send poetry to.

I am now very much into the Doors, and they are now my favourite band of all time. For my pleasure more than yours....Break On Through! Some of my favourite lyrics are in the song, like You know the day destroys the night, Night divides the day

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In whatever classes I have done through life I sit back corner on the left. Last night was no different, more people milled in...there was one seat empty, the one next to me. I felt relieved and sad for a while, but listened intensely to the lecturer. 20 mins later a guy walked in, he sat next to me, smiled and he has an apple iphone.....he saw my ipod touch and we immediatly hit it off.

He's called Joe, married and like me, loves apple products lol After that I became confident, the lecturer gave us Hemmingway to read....WOW!!!!! For the first time I found myself disagreeing with people, so I actually called out something about the short story. People debated with me, one debated fiercely, so did i.....unlike me!

In the break, a well read, posh guy came to shake my hand and said people back down from him, and I was the first in 7 years to not do so. This boosted me, and people came to talk to me....including Rob the Lecturer....I feel accepted and amongst my own kind.

People get me, they get I'm eccentric in some ways, they get that I have an opinion and that it makes sense. They like poetry, they love books and it has made me realise I am a born writer, I can do this and I am finally finding who Carla is.

Next week it's poetry and my time to shine, I met a girl called Emma, who speaks so beautifully i could listen to her all day...maybe it's because I have such a common accent and the people in my class speak posher :))

I also met a girl called Rachel...who in my mind is so beautiful inside and out...yet she has a demeanor that is of someone unconfident.....because of a tradegy that happened (we had to tell a partner a story so they could re write it, in their words)  This lady does not know how amazing she is....I will make it my mission to tell her everyweek she is just that :)

All in all I went to this class dreading it, and came away knowing for the first time in my life I have found something that fits me, and people who fit me too.

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I have been busy, and I dislike my computer, hence my lack of writing lately. I also have 18 years of anger issues to deal with....I'm doing great, although I miss the days where i would supress such crap that I tend to think.

I have Uni tomorrow, I have packed my pencil case and I am undecided on which of my 36 bags to use to carry my crap.

I have a thing for dead people, just a few certain ones, I don't know if it's my bipolar issues or the fact I understand thier pain, but at the moment it's a bit trippy.

Hope everyones weekend went well....I had more than 40 readers yesterday...wow!

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The ringmaster controls the juggler to a point where the juggler does anything to make himself look worthy of the Ringmasters praise....but his praise is never heaped upon such a lowly act. His prized act is the acrobats, who have grace, beauty and poise.

The Ringmaster is lazy, yet stern and expects things done of a high standard, while not doing much work himself. He projects his insecurities on all the acts, especially the juggler.

The Ringmaster is often callous and will not show love or a soft side unless it benefits him. The ringmaster puts on a good show, he can show a side that makes people think, the circus acts have the best and kindest leader in the world.

The Ringmaster is generous on birthdays and christmas, they make sure the acts have everything they need. The Ringmaster just never shows emotions and that is his weakness.

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Whats wrong? The world is wrong that's all.  I have had some stresses all come to a head, and my patience is thin, people piss me off, I wish certain people would die or at least slit their wrists, just so they would shut the fuck up. I got my own problems, just like many of you do, like me most of you vent and deal with them yourselves.

Some Arseholes on this planet have to have Mummy hold their hand, or everyone to feel sorry for them....well BOO FUCKING HOO....if your life is sooooooooooooooooo shit...do us all a favour....yeah you know who I'm talking to.

I am related to some of the biggest retards on this planet, infact moronic and retarded is being too kind. And the term country bumpkin, sure as shit applies to some Norfolk people.....not all just some.

I'm angry that I work my fucking arse off, I was better off on the dole, yet these bastards who are on income support, smoke pot, drink, get rid of their kids and now to top it off are going on fucking holiday abroad. My neighbour is bragging about it.....I can't believe the system, it's fucked up.

Is it worth encouraging my clever daughter to even bother getting a job? Because lets face it, make out your depressed, get up the duff to some random dickwad and yay, you too could be in for paid housing and money to sit on your fat arse all day.

One of my best friends died of Cancer, and she said to me The bigger the bastard the better your luck.

What I should have done is worked and fiddled the dole, just like most of the peasants where i live. Let's face it being honest...where does it get you? NOWHERE.

I look around and I hate the world I'm living in, I hate this country, I hate what people represent, I KNOW I am better than the people I live around. I want to be successful, I want a nice house and to WORK for it. I want a clean estate. I don't drink anymore, I don't touch drugs and I don't like sitting around going on about clubbing all day. I have nothing in common with these imbeciles on my street......I can't afford to move into private housing and I'm 2 grand off a deposit for a house. So I'm stuck in suburban HELL.

I feel angry that my mother won't tell me my real dad's surname, and I have to cut all ties to them as I never felt part of them, or like them...and thank fuck for that...

And to top it off If I spam shit on lots of peoples comments, I will make it as a featured blog....This site is fast becoming a fucking joke. Who do I have to kiss ass with to get traffic? Why should I be made to have chats just to get somewhere and recognised? Some blogs on here are fucking boring, and not many good ones make top or featured.

On a lighter note I am at Uni next Monday, and I am very excited.

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My theme is the circus, and how i see my life, myself and the people in it.

I am the juggler, from a young age I have always in some capacity multi tasked. Be it school, making teas, looking after my sisters or chores. I seldom had quiet time. My Dad would work long shifts in a Steel works, and my mum would stay in bed til the afternoon. I would juggle the kids and my own feelings quite often.

Fast forwarding to my teens, I still has those responsibilities, but also a part time job. When my Dad stopped working things were easier on the kids front, I felt I no longer had kids to look after....freedom. I had school, a job and my moods to contend with still.

My Mother never could understand why I never wanted her to have her 4th child, it's actually plain to understand, she isn't maternal, my dad actually did all the work with the 4th....I was glad I left home at 16, or else I'd have had more to do.

In my early 20's I juggled more and more, I ended up with 14 things to juggle, and I couldn't cope. Something had to give and that was my mental health. In my late 20's is where I'm at now, I still juggle over 8 things, and I'm slowly trying to reduce them, by placing things on the back burner.

This I think is why I struggle with maintaining close friendships....maybe the juggler in me needs people that want to juggle with me?

tomorrow The Ringmaster

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I have bruised my back, so it's now recovering slowly....I'm stubborn and have to clean, so as you can imagine pain and cleaning don't mix.

I saw my Nan yesterday and feel much better, I'm going for Sunday dinner, which is something I have done in a while with family, and usually the ones I did go to it resulted in arguing between someone. I get sensitive, I don't hide it and say I don't. But sometimes I have to step back and think am I overreacting.

I have an issue that the more I talk about the more I let it go, but I see people around me who have these mums they can dump their kids on whenever they want, I say dump because that is exactly how they see it. I don't have that luxury and I never did when the Bitch did talk to me.

I could see it that I am strong and did it on my own, but I also see it that my face didn't fit and neither did my child.

I still laugh at one of my sisters, a few people where she lives say a lot of things about her, and some of these people she things are friends. She reaps what she sows....and for me I think it's karma.

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I have to let go of certain feelings, but i'm just me, not super woman, so issues will bother me. I guess it's more someone in my life, is trying to make out as though they have what I have, just as an excuse to party and give up their kid. She hasn;t got what I have, but she adores drama. She will be a lonely stupid bint in the end anyway.

I have pains from Sciatica, which is making my mood drop....although I haven't slept in weeks. I'm starting to get bags....I have never had bags or wrinkles before....worrying!

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If I'm a drunk I get AA, druggies are even luckier.....what does a bipolar person have? I know no one in person who understands what I'm feeling...i mean really feeling. I feel alone and want to punch something out of frustration.

As usual I fall and pick myself back up, but it's fucking tiring, I flip moods quicker than a prossie gets her knickers off. I fall.....I hit the ground....I see others fall and they get help. I'm seen as strong.

I choose to not have friends, close friends, I choose to distance myself....It's a lonely life, but it means I don't hurt people.

I don't even remember what a close friend is like anymore.

Tonight I've hit a low, I hate myself, I hate my illness and I wish my otherhalf and daughter would get themselves a better life away from who I am.....I am scum.

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Partying nearly every night.......

Lying will get you nowhere.......

And right now my mood is in a place where I don't give a crap about who I upset.

Tick tock......

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It's been a full year since I spoke to the woman who gave birth to me, and I feel happy that I finally let go of the shit. I keep thinking how selfish my sister is, and then I think hmm it's not like the bitch is fully blood related, so why be bothered about her kid...cause she sure as shit isn't lol. Cock comes before family and her kid. I'd rather not mince my words, she's an attention seeking whore.

I hope to god they don't come up to here and try speaking to my family, as they like it without the drama of them all. So do I. What bothers me is the bullshit if the fuckers decide to muscle in up here.

I bought 2 hamsters, very sweet and they bounce around like crazy things.

I have sciatica and my arse kills, the pain in my leg is worse....I can't rest as I got too much to do.

My mother in law bought a new laptop, we helped her choose it. She comes over a few times a week, and I really enjoy it. She is getting closer to all of us, and has a heart of gold. She understands my illness, so she talks to me about things and lets me bitch if I need to. Things a mum should do :)

Soon I have the Arctic Monkeys, Kasabian and other concerts to go to, around November, also an ice show. There's Blackpool Lights to go to, Halloween and bonfire night....I love this time of year!

I'm excited about Christmas, as my Nan and the family will be there, no arguing and a lovely dinner with plenty of giggles. My Nan is the closest thing to a mum I have ever had, and it feels lovely when she hugs me all the time.

My Kanye West rant was meant not him being racist, but how he feels about the world. He forever has said in his songs and interviews how his race is supressed....having said that I have all his albums except his latest one, which is shite. I personally think some artists have to forget about colour, he singled out Beyonce, the only black woman in that catergory...when for me Pink shoulda won it. I think as well since the death of his mother, he's turned into a madhatter....hope he grieves properly soon.

I have written a letter to Nottingham evening post about tracing my real Dad, as my archive search didn't go that well. If I get no response I have to wait til 2011 for the kew archives to have the court lists in 1980.

Would you take your mother to court for not telling you your birth fathers surname? All I can get is compensation...is it worth it?

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But watching the MTV music awards, Kanye jumped on stage to say how Beyonces video was the best etc....actually it was wank, she was dancing with a fucked up glove on and dancing out of sync half the time. It's all because he feels the black person is trodden on. I disagree, the black community has so many wonderful things to offer, I feel as a society we embrace every colour and creed. I for one adore Caribbean food, I make jerk chicken from scratch and just damn straight love rice and peas.

I then watched 8 mile, I listened to some of the battles and what was said, The kkk get referenced to a couple of time, and to me that's just wrong to class all whites as KKK lovers. They said a lot of other shit, but as a race we have to take it on the chin....racism is racism no matter what colour you are.

In times like today, more people get away with things and the more others are supressed, fighting will happen and clashes will only get worse. Equality is what should be happening, but it's not.

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I never seem to think some things through, like whenever I write a blog, i write and send to the world. Or the time I did 122 mph on a 60 road...I decided one day I'd go to Uni, saw a course I liked and I signed up for it. Over the weekend I received my Ucas card, I am now officially a student, while I am excited, something occured to me today, what day does my course start. I have a letter saying it may be the 23rd, but it wasn't confirmed.

I also chuckle because the course i'm doing is creative writing, I will be fantastic this first 6 months, but coming to the end of the course I will struggle, as my moods take a bad turn during april/may...happens every year. So my arrogance may have to carry me through.....

This brings me to my masterplan, Manias that I suffer through have to be triggered, so I am looking at things to trigger me, when I get into the depression....I thought this shit would be easy, but there's more things that make me depressed than high....This brings me to student perks, I may have to pull out all the stops to send my chubby arse high, but my god I am highly determined! I'm sure there are things I can get with this UCAS card...the detective work continues.

I'm off to Nottingham next week to trawl the newspaper archives in hopes of finding a Trevor, whom commited a burglary between, nov 1979 - may 1980. It's a long shot, but hey that's all i'm working with here. I got his picture so it's not all bad. When I was born the powers that be had to make sure I was strong, and was able to fight the obstacles thrown in my way.

And why have rowntree made randoms? I'm not a chocolate fan, but i adore jelly beans and jellies. Randoms should come in bumper packs....I may start a petition!

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I'm cynical, I think the only showman that does it for me will always be Houdini...crazy mofo, but cool.

Happy Birthday to the fabulous Brokenangel, beautiful person inside and out.

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Right now I fucking hate people, not all but most. A lot of people manipulate so damn good, I envy them, I struggled for the first 5 years of my daughters life, the otherhalf would work 2 jobs, so i'd see him an hour a day at most. This left me in a lonely place....who the fuck asked me if I needed a break from my child? No-one....I even had to get someone to take her to nursery as I was that depressed. For around 4 months I was so deeply depressed I never left the house. I then went into a mania and went that high I started clubbing whenever my otherhalf had nights off from pizza deliveries.

But where was my sympathy? My sympathy was found through Jack...last name Daniels.

I think I'm sick of people like my stupid cunt of a sister, who act like they have something, just dramatise thier life. Simple fact is, she wants an easy life, kid is in the way, no man wants her because of her gob and she gets down sometimes.

I don't see her having bipolar, as she never did shit through her teens...it runs in families, but quite rare in step families. I think she is playing everyone for fools and partying her tits off, then lonely again.

I'm no longer one of them, I've changed back to my birthname, and can anyone give me tips on finding out court reports from the 80's.

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Jimi Hendrix is another firm favourite, it does worry me that I seem to steer towards tragic stars, even in todays music market, I like the more messed up artists, like Amy Winehouse....I know why, it's because these people lived and live their worries and problems, none of this manufactured crap or rich boys making a quick single. Part of me doesn't like the world of today, and i drift away back into the woodstock years and think about how it would have felt and sounded.

I'm a dreamer, it's me, it's how I survive in the world I was dragged into, it's how I cope from wanting to stop the violent mood swings. I don't know if i will always have such great coping methods, I don't know if one day I will end it all or walk away from me....But what I do know is that today I know I can fight another day.

I am scared, it might be why I get angry at things, I'm scared that the bi polar will beat me and take over, the last time it happened, I was a super hero and invincible.....it feels so real at the time. Moods are tiring for anyone, but changing from one person to the next in one day, it makes you mentally exhausted....Maybe just maybe I'll wake up and I won't be so fucked up anymore. Or maybe I'll just wake up and see the sun for what it is.

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This isn't about me, I just think someone I know is the biggest bullshitter on the planet...maybe im wrong...Is depression more than being depressed?

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