Who can a person turn to?

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Who can a person turn to?

by shakeberry ^Pro @ Saturday, Sep. 19, 2009 – 22:18:00

There's lots of helplines out there, tonight the only one I know of for me is samaritans. I'm not suicidal, the thoughts are there in the back of my mind, but I'm not feeling out that way. I feel angry, hurt, upset and furious....and I don't actually know why I'm feeling like this.

If I'm a drunk I get AA, druggies are even luckier.....what does a bipolar person have? I know no one in person who understands what I'm feeling...i mean really feeling. I feel alone and want to punch something out of frustration.

As usual I fall and pick myself back up, but it's fucking tiring, I flip moods quicker than a prossie gets her knickers off. I fall.....I hit the ground....I see others fall and they get help. I'm seen as strong.

I choose to not have friends, close friends, I choose to distance myself....It's a lonely life, but it means I don't hurt people.

I don't even remember what a close friend is like anymore.

Tonight I've hit a low, I hate myself, I hate my illness and I wish my otherhalf and daughter would get themselves a better life away from who I am.....I am scum.
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24 Comments to Who can a person turn to?

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- xmillyxxx ^Pro
- Saturday, Sep. 19, 2009 @ 22:29:55
You have my number...

And you are none of the above..you just think you are when you feeling like this..

And I love you xx
- - shakeberry ^Pro
  - Saturday, Sep. 19, 2009 @ 22:36:16
  I feel an utter twat and knobhead right now....I keep forcing my thoughts to think differently, but they say piss off lol
  
  I think venting is helping me no end....I have smiled 3 times in the last 10 mins....shocking!
  
  I love you too (I don;t like burdening you)
  
  xxx
  - - xmillyxxx ^Pro
    - Saturday, Sep. 19, 2009 @ 22:54:35
    Smile more often.. Its good for you .. Honest! .. So is venting.. I do them both.. Lots!
    
    And you will never be a burden hun.. Ring me for a chat soon yeah?!.. We'll arrange something ok.
    
    Loves you xxxx
    - - shakeberry ^Pro
      - Saturday, Sep. 19, 2009 @ 23:08:01
      I'd like that, now you have opened the door, i'll call tomorrow
      
      xxxx
      - xmillyxxx ^Pro
        
        Saturday, Sep. 19, 2009 @ 23:20:13
        
        The door was always open.. Tomorrows good for me xxx
        
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- deleted user (Visitor)
- Saturday, Sep. 19, 2009 @ 22:37:15
Sad to know that you're feeling so negative about yourself , and , most things in general .
I'm sure there must be a bi-polar support-line , and there's SaneLine : http://www.sane.org.uk/ - 6pm - 11pm , so too late for tonight unfortunately , but as you know the Samaritans are there 24/7 .
As is your GP's surgery's emergency number .
You don't have to be bi-polar to feel extremely wound-up , upset and angry .
I'd suggest if you can't get to sleep do phone an appropiate number and talk with someone about how dreadful you're feeling , and I hope you get over this current bad patch very soon , Carla , Thinking of you ,
Martin
- xx - .
- - shakeberry ^Pro
  - Saturday, Sep. 19, 2009 @ 22:39:53
  I didn't think about saneline, will keep them bookmarked for future mishaps.
  
  I am tired mentally of severe mood swings....on top of sciatica I can only cope with 3 things at once.
  
  Talking on here is helping
  
  Thank you xxx
  
  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
  - - deleted user (Visitor)
    - Saturday, Sep. 19, 2009 @ 22:53:38
    You're welcome , you'll be okay , and do you have a CPN ?
    
    - xx - .
    - - shakeberry ^Pro
      - Saturday, Sep. 19, 2009 @ 23:07:30
      no, i once had one but he was a tool. So they are amazed I see the mental health nurse for check ups every month...I refused a lot of things, as i wasn't ready.
      
      I'm feeling a tad better already...i have taken my medication tonight too, i forgot yesterday. ~hangs head in shame~
      - deleted user (Visitor)
        
        Sunday, Sep. 20, 2009 @ 00:10:57
        
        Ah , easy to forget , wishing you peaceful slumbers , and a calmer day tomorrow I hope , Goodnight Carla ,
        - xxx - .
        
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- alecweston ^Pro
- Saturday, Sep. 19, 2009 @ 22:37:45
I'm not bi-polar (as you know) I have no clue what you are going through all the time - except I have a clue through what you write, which is so vivid, in my face... But I cannot imagine what it's like to live in this hell of yours, hour upon hour, day by day..

BUT I do not that feeling of unfocussed anger, of not knowing why I am furious but knowing fuck-well I AM MAD WITH RAGE because that's excatly what I'm feeling at the moment.

You are not scum by the way. I am sure you are not scum.
- - shakeberry ^Pro
  - Saturday, Sep. 19, 2009 @ 22:43:34
  You have said it exactly! You sometimes word things better than me. I just say what pops into my head during my anger, i'd rather be real than pretend to be something else.
  
  Is it bad I don't like to comment often?
  
  xxxx
  - - alecweston ^Pro
    - Saturday, Sep. 19, 2009 @ 22:54:48
    Not at all. Firstly, nothing is bad - or good. Life is not a moral maze, though we are taught it is. Secondly, blogging is fun, but also shit - if you know what I mean. And, people come, people go, there are no rules. Commenting too much can become addictive, or motivated by trying to be featured or noticed. When I get a comment from you, I value it. Keep them coming - when you want to.
    - - shakeberry ^Pro
      - Saturday, Sep. 19, 2009 @ 23:09:20
      i comment when i feel a need to, I don't care much for been top dog...as i don't like being centre of attention....although with these outbursts you could argue that lol
      
      You are right about everything though
      
      xxxx
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- deleted user (Visitor)
- Saturday, Sep. 19, 2009 @ 23:13:26
I know little of you but I am sure that you are not scum

Also remember who your mob beat on Friday night

That might provoke another smile
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- blue2pink ^Pro
- Sunday, Sep. 20, 2009 @ 08:49:24
only just seen your post, i am also in a simalar place at the mo,but you are special and i can not see the sunshine just at the moment, but i know its there, hold my hand and lets hang on in till we see it and share it.
hope you dont think this is a load of crap, its true
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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- brokendownangel ^Pro
- Sunday, Sep. 20, 2009 @ 09:17:20
Morning sweetie, scum? You are most definitely not scum, but telling you how wonderful you are aint gonna help is it? It is hard to see yourself as the people that love you do, what you see isn't the person they see, they wanna be there so you have to let them help. Let them in and lean on them, you are strong, but when you feel shite you have to learn to ask for help babe.
That or vent like mad on here x
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- deleted user (Visitor)
- Sunday, Sep. 20, 2009 @ 14:43:08
x
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- NotBob ^Pro
- Monday, Sep. 21, 2009 @ 06:47:39
Sorry for getting here late - I had a day off blog yesterday - I know how it feels to be angry, but not know what or where that anger is focused. It happens even to the non-bipolars of the world. All I can say is that Martin has given you a good link if you feel the need for help.

Oh, yes, one other thing: YOU ARE NOT SCUM! You have a lot of good attributes that you need to focus on. You are intelligent, witty, a good and caring mother and deep down you are a beautiful person. Don't you EVER forget that.

((Hugs))
x
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- Gabriel (Visitor)
- Saturday, Sep. 26, 2009 @ 00:49:48
You mention better half and mother in law...did you get married while I wasn't looking? Dropped you a line a while back but didn't get a response..not sure if that was intentional or not so figured I'd try here.

Hope your mood is better now.
- - shakeberry ^Pro
  - Saturday, Sep. 26, 2009 @ 14:48:40
  I've never recieved any emails or I would've replied
  
  She's not exactly my mother in law, but near enough. Planning a wedding, but in no rush. I'm at the moment trying to find my real father and enjoying seeing family I hadn;t seen in 12 years.
  
  My mood today is a lot better, hope you're ok
  
  xx
  - - Gabriel (Visitor)
    - Sunday, Sep. 27, 2009 @ 22:25:59
    Hmm perhaps I'm sending to the wrong email address although it's the one you used in past. Can you drop me a line at the email in this post?
    
    I'm surviving..I realized it's been a while since I've come around to corrupt you.
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- Gabriel (Visitor)
- Saturday, Sep. 26, 2009 @ 00:51:52
You mention better half and mother in law...did you get married while I wasn't looking? Dropped you a line a while back but didn't get a response..not sure if that was intentional or not so figured I'd try here.

Hope your mood is better now.
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- Gabriel (Visitor)
- Sunday, Sep. 27, 2009 @ 22:37:54
Or you can use the email in this one or log onto Pal.
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