Boost my balloon!! please!!
http://www.playballoonacy.com/show/b1d44aee4595e672ca10b7514b709c6a
Posts archive for: June, 2008
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Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!
@ 2008-06-21 – 21:26:16
I decided to just post whatever I type and bugger the consequences, I haven't had a drink now for about weeks, it's hard because I have enough booze in my fridge, to floor me for the weekend. If I drink my mind goes into a state that makes me remember my past, things I find I can supress every day sober. Only lately been totally tee total, and drug free, I'm finding my moods a lot more darker, and I'm shutting down from everyone, what makes it good for me, is that I'm so distant from everyone, no one truly notices how fucked up I am. One person has, but he doesn't have the strength in him to coax me into been more open.
The other person knows me very well and is making me talk bit by bit...I know I have to get by like this, because I am struggling with my mindset...I guess i'm lonely if i'm honest, but i don't trust anyone, and I hate been open. I've been open here, but it's made me go into myself a heck of a lot more.
I wish I was a "what you see is what you get" kind of person, but then I'd be lying to you and also myself, I like writing, yet I find I can't out the words together that I want to say, so I battle my own self...constantly.
The crowd noises are pretty bad, and I can never explain this to people...but I wouldn't wish walking a mile in my shoes on my worst enemy....I have got so used to the crowd that it seems normal, but on a rare occasion it gets too much and I want to explode.
I am very lonely, but I don't want to make any effort to be near people, so I am my own worst enemy. My daughter is with her dad tonight, as his court case was settled last week...which is good, and I wanted her to see him, makes everyone happy...except me...but that's the price you pay for keeping your only child happy.
I'm looking at the bacardi, vodka and tequila...they look so inviting.
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Is there something wrong with me?
@ 2008-06-18 – 01:55:53
On my mum's forum they have been adding some pictures of half naked men, yet I dont find them attractive...i don't fancy many men, famous or none famous...and I'm not lesbian as i've tried that and it's not something I wanted full time. Plus I don't find any women shaggable. So what is wrong with me, I like Edward Norton, but since he's done hulk I think ergh. The man I do find very sexy, is what most women wouldn't like, and my mum says I like ugly men..yet to me they aren't.
But why can some people fancy absolutly anything that walks, yet I find it hard to find any man appealing, and the ones i do like tend to be overseas...
I have had some good looking boyfriends...yet they bored me and i liked the more rugged man...but they were/are few and far between, it takes a hell of a lot to make me like you. I'm weird i just know it....my friend she has lots of men, and my other friend he has lots of women, im the odd one out.
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I Have Gained And Lost The Same Ten Pounds So Many Times Over and Over Again, My Cellulite Must Have Deja Vu
@ 2008-06-14 – 20:35:34
Well I've been so busy on drugs and partying I totally forgot the world of blog...I have taken part in debachery you could only dream of...I have seen so many naked people I think I have seen enough to last a lifetime. I have had so many drugs I lost the cocktail list....
Ok that's all complete bull, but I am in a funny mood, I've been having a good week away from life on here and meeting friends. I can't go on nights out, but it's great how life is at the moment. I can't justify sitting on the laptop as much as i used to, things are changing and I get bored easily.
I'm sure this bus driver is trying to bump me off, the last 5 times i've been on his bus, we nearly either crashed, or he's been braking like a bitch possessed. So I told him yesterday I'm watching him, with his dodgy 2 left feet on the pedals. I think he was more confused at that than anything, but it doesn't take much to confuse a bloke right?
My dog is still humping her tweety pie, i've washed it, sprayed it and everything....I was disturbed when she did it in front of the neighbours...outside...
I miss my australian friends, Joe is missing Sheff, and so is Kari, can't wait for Kari to come in august. He's got the deepest voice in the world, but looks nothing like Barry White! Joe is coming back in November or next April. Vinnie is staying in Italy...the mafia game we all play which Vinnie owns, is going from strength to strength, and me and Kari won a round...we rock!
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Diamonds, That'll shut her up...for a minute...
@ 2008-06-10 – 19:17:32
It's been a while huh, I thought maybe the blog was a reason I was quiet, but it was me. I've been reflecting on stuff this passed week. I'm going to make some changes to my life, because I am not happy. I don't feel lonely, but more pissed off with the direction my life is heading.
I keep thinking about the future more than the past, yet the future I see isn't the one I'm heading towards, because I am not making the choices for me, I'm trying to keep people happy....I know where and who I want to be with, I know what I want to do, I just don't know how to explain to all involved.
I haven't seen most of my family since christmas, and i feel I am losing touch with them, I already feel not part of them....so I am more distant towards them now.
I'm enjoying somuch too, I just can;t be arsed to list it all...will do later hehe
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Hot Damns!
@ 2008-06-08 – 12:15:28
I love the new N*E*R*D album Seeing Sounds, had it on all weekend, and starting to know the tunes off by heart, it's encouraged me to write more music...yay!
I've been offish with everyone, and I quite like been alone...I tried to sit with my neighbours, but they pissed me off, so I just said what i thought. They didn't take offence which was rather odd.
The crowd noise is pretty bad at the moment, so that's probably why I'm a recluse.
My house is so clean you could probably eat your dinner off any surface, and my washing is all done...it's weird...never been this efficient in my life, I'm also sleeping 9 hours a day, which is making me sullen too. I still get the lucid dreams, and at the moment finding it hard to wake up from them.
I hope everyone is well, sorry I have rarely answered your comments, but they are appreciated and do make me smile.
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I had the right to remain silent, I just didn't have the ability,
@ 2008-06-04 – 17:39:15
I should stay quiet, I feel quiet, yet when someone asks me a question I feel I should reply...just on this occasion I really should have stayed silent. Oh well...
I recently aqquired information by accident, and I feel like sharing it, my neighbour is on steriods..kind of all fits into place now on why he has rages...reminds me of an ex who always had roid rage, not to mention a shrivelled dick due to the roids.
I am happy my hair is thickening up..I still have severe anemia, and the docs say my body is only soaking up 7% of the 800 mg of iron im on a day...thats not good is it.
I still feel anti social and just writing this is a huge effort, and i have seen a pattern on my blog and my diary, so i'm beginning to see my trigger things....interesting to say the least.
MY mum called me the other, I nearly died, it had been 9 days since we last chatted, and me been broke, im avoiding using my phone.
I have been naughty lately, but we'll not get into that, lets just say i sleep well now
Also I received the most beautiful email I have ever had, I cried and realised my friend loves me...I am confused
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I had the right to remain silent, I just didn't have the ability,
@ 2008-06-04 – 17:33:44
I should stay quiet, I feel quiet, yet when someone asks me a question I feel I should reply...just on this occasion I really should have stayed silent. Oh well...
I recently aqquired information by accident, and I feel like sharing it, my neighbour is on steriods..kind of all fits into place now on why he has rages...reminds me of an ex who always had roid rage, not to mention a shrivelled dick due to the roids.
I am happy my hair is thickening up..I still have severe anemia, and the docs say
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Realities a Bitch and I Heard That She Bites
@ 2008-06-03 – 17:17:01
I have recently found this editor, so i'm still finding what font I like...I adore this colour anyways...my fav.
I've had a rather stressful few days, but been sleeping 6 hours a day, the nightmares are just as bad, but the concoction that is helping me sleep, is why I don't feel as tired. I also don't wake up...so if I piss my bed I won't know. Lucky that's not happened yet.
I have shut myself off from everyone lately, including my blog, I am distant and don't particulary give a crap about anything. Yet I feel ok...not depressed or anything, but just ok.
I had a knight in shining armor come to my rescue today, as I was going to sell my beloved comics, but he told me to get my arse to the post office and pick up some cash...he'd sent it by money gram, this is the 2nd time in 6 weeks. So I got my utility cash and spare to get food. I can never thank him enough. This is why I like australians. He's a good mate.
I feel like I need a break from everything, but can't see that happening anytime soon, and I need a night on my own, without a pre teen kid constantly bitching about stuff, I try to understand and spend heaps of time with her, then it ends up she wants to sleep in my bed. So i have been getting her friends to come play, yet it's not enough, she then wants me to fund a trip to the cinema. I just smile and say not today.
I also wish my mum would tell me the name of my real father...but that won't ever happen...if only she would understand that i want to know who i am.
