Epiphany Of The Jaded Reprobate

He's admitted all charges, and will be charged tomorrow.....

I have relief...

Is sunny on the outside, raining on the in....

on a lighter note I now fit into my jeans that I bought 2 years ago...just a shame they now drowned me as I lost just a bit too much weight ~sighs~

Shanna is been a bitch, she basically hates me for been broke. I have nothing to comfort her with...I don't know her right now...yet I can see why she's lashing out...pains me.

Im thinking of baking more cookies, I think I could make a living off making them...Shanna's been selling them to the local kids

I think I have ripped a ligament in my knee again...hella kills!!

For you...I hope you continue getting bad luck, I also wish you well in whatever you do, because after all is said and done, you did help me in some ways. Take The Box and Leave Me Alone.

"Take The Box"

Your neighbours were screaming
I don't have a key for downstairs, so I punched all the buzzers hoping you wouldn't be there
So now my head's hurting
You say I always get my own way
But you were in the shower when I got there, I'd have wanted to stay, but I got nothing to say

Cos you were so beautiful before today
But then I heard what you got to say...man that was ugly

The Moschino bra you bought me last Christmas
Put it in the box, put it in the box
Frank's in there and I don't care
Put it in the box, put it in the box
Just take it
Take the box

Take the box

I came home this evening and nothing felt like how it should be
I feel like writing you a letter but that is not me...you know me
Feel so f*cking angry; don't wanna be reminded of you
But when I left my sh*t in your kitchen, I said goodbye to your bedroom it smelled of you

Mr False Pretence, you don't make sense
I just don't know you
But you make me cry, where's my kiss goodbye?
I think I love you

The Moschino bra you bought me last Christmas
Put it in the box, put it in the box
Frank's in there and I don't care
Put it in the box, put it in the box
Now take it
Take the box
Just take it, take it
Take the box
And now just take the box
Take the box

Take the box

After 47 text messages, which has now filled my memory up, at the last count 33 phone calls, the dickhead is still harrassing me, the police are going to deal with it....well do it faster. My throat hurts, but no marks.
Is anyone out there just nice, normal and knows how to treat a woman, because to be honest I ain't finding you. I'm blunt on my blog, and sometimes a little too raw and real. But this is me, I give up more secrets here than anything, should i stop doing that, I don't know. Yet here I feel safe, knowing my thoughts or feelings maybe connecting with how someone else feels.

For once right, I want to be protected, I want to give someone me, and feel I get the same in return, instead I have always had a nice fist, or told I'm not good enough. Maybe I'm not, but I still exist inspite of those people.

I am here scared shitless, this place I'm at, isn't my home, he got in this morning while we slept, the one hour he stopped calling, he had put his hand through the letter box and got my keys. He told my daughter this morning I am a bad mum who has lied to her, he called me a slag in front of her....now bearing in mind I haven't been with anyone else in 11 years...shame I couldn't say the same about him. I called the police through a new number they gave me, just to alert them without needing to talk, he left before they got here.

I haven't got support, if I call my mum she will listen, but she can;t be here...I would never ask her to be either. He has a big family, all calling me stuff, and to be frank with you, I don't know how much I can take before I walk away from this part of my life....I've upped sticks before and left my entire house, stuff everything. Only this time Shannas not a baby, she sees whats going on.

I'm sorry I am real, I'm sorry that I may have worried people last night, as always guys I get through, I'm tough enough to take a few hits. But I can only blog about whats real in my life, and I won't sugar coat things...this is my life, it sucks, but fuck I have to breathe somehow.