I've been reading some of my posts, and realised some days I sounded so out of control...yesterday was one of those days. I let things bother me, I try to resist things, but when I can't I get the ultimate frustration. It's not helped by factors surrounding my life, or other peoples. I can change who I am, but I question who I am daily, so I'm screwed in a way. I haven't got anyone who totally understands, but i do know someone who gets me...that is scary in a way. Because very few people get one another....it's a shame I just fuck that friendship up constantly.

I have no idea how to trust people, how to want them for keeps, or even how to let them see me. I tried doing that with someone and I get a jealousy streak...so maybe I need a guy who likes that shit?

I can't sleep I keep trying but I feel restless, I watched Shanna for a good half hour, she looks so peaceful, I dread to think the shite she will endure when she's older. I worry she will have the bipolar too, she shows signs of it, but no one ever knows until they are adults.

I am totally frustrated.....in all ways, and I have no idea how to release the frustration...only know 2 ways....