Today has been a rather odd day, I slept some of it, I've managed 5 hours up to now, I'm still mixing pharmys (apparently meds is sanitary towels to an aussie)I was having a think back to my teens today, some of my most happier times, but not when I was at home. I used to love staying at my friends house to get a break from my family falling apart, you might think that sounds selfish, but watching your parents tear each other apart on a daily basis fucks with your mind...and i don't mean verbal, I'm talking proper fisticuffs...amongst other things. At the time I had only 2 little sisters, and it became so normal to see this happen, we would sit watching tv and turn the volume up as they had a huge fight. My dad has mentioned this to me before, he said he once was so shocked to see us just sat there like it was normal. Well dad it was. My mum might read this, I don't know, but she needs to know the reality at why I'm like I am. I am timid, I can be a smartarse, but I am timid. A couple of years ago this side of me changed for a while, and I did something I could never do again, I actually had real rage, and hurt someone really bad. She's since moved and it's a relief..because if she saw me taking my daughter to school, she'd cross the road and look fearful. If I hadn't been dragged off this woman I wouldn't be sat here writing this. I have taken hits from an ex of mine, I can take a lot of shit. If my mum went to hit me, I'd take it...Want to know what caused my rage? Bullying, and the fact I couldn't take the lies been said about me anymore...then she hit me first in the mouth. Never again could I hit anyone....

I miss my friends from my teens, I had a few close knit ones, some I hid from my parents, I am good at been secretive, it's in my nature, I would attend parties and go to clubs without my mum knowing, it helped me live a life and try new things. I remember a time my dad thought I was on drugs because of my secretive behaviour, I wasn't at the time he asked. I've only ever been a casual user, because they used to help lift my moods, and i'm talking 3/4 times a year, now it's really rare I venture to that part of my life...

I decided to be open about this shit, because I am tired of it harbouring in my mind.

So to you reading this Welcome To Paradise

Berry fact (its been a while) My lucky number is 16, its my birthday, daughters birthday and house number :)