I mixed meds today, see how I would feel, because frankly my moods are up, down, up, down...not coolio, so I took whole bunch of shit, not overdosed, just a couple over a period of 2 hours...I feel refreshingly happy..I can't hear the crowd noises and I feel quite normal. I'm going to continue this until wednesday when I have to visit the Doc again.

I just made a nice sunday roast, and I can't eat a bite of it, just lost my appetite again. Shanna's enjoying it.

I want to get out of this country, I hate been here, I don't feel at home here, I have nothing to keep us here...I love my family in my own way, but they live 150 miles away, and the only one I speak to is my mum every few days. My sisters forget they have a beautiful niece, yet I have to acknowledge their kids. My dad barely bothers with me, which i'm glad as he's a dickhead...I hate what he's become. I don't feel like they are my family, I feel like I share a mum and she feels this need to have to bother with me. I deal with the bullshit with my ex alone, I deal with my bi polar on my own, so I know I am a strong person.

I do have a gripe today, as always, why does my neighbour feels this chuffing need to cut his grass every 2 days, I have bleeding hayfever! I am allergic to pollen and wasps...me no like wasps...I also have a slight problem, both my curtain poles are held up with duck tape...one of these days its going to fall down...i also fixed a shelf with said duck tape...it's my new best friend.

On a lighter note the ketchup I squirted on my kitchen ceiling has now been cleaned off, took me 4 weeks. I'm only 5ft4 so it's not easy!

My music playlist is:

Disturbed ~ Down With The Sickness
Arctic Monkeys ~ 505
Adele ~ Daydreamer
Black Label Society ~ Just Killing Time ( this is my life anthem )
Dodgy ~ Good Enough
Dodgy ~ In a Room
Jack Penate ~ My Yvonne
Jazmine Sullivan ~ Make U Stay
Jazmine Sullivan ~ Break My Lil Heart
Kasabian ~ By My Side
Kasabian ~ Me Plus One
Kasabian ~ The Doberman
N*E*R*D ~ Thrasher
N*E*R*D ~ Don't Worry About it
Lupe Fiasco ~ Ghetto Story
Lupe Fiasco ~ Hurt Me Soul
Nine Inch Nails ~ Closer