Epiphany Of The Jaded Reprobate

this is how i feel, this is how he makes me feel somedays....

You never notice me at all
You wouldn’t notice if i fall
I try to show i care for you
I don’t know what else to do
Theres only so much i can say
Theres only 24hours in a day
I know you will never really see me
I know its how it will always be
Just know that I have love for you
I hope one day you’ll love me too

We drew..better than nothing...BEATTIE rocks!!! bet we lose him next season...hope not. My friend Mark is all hyper tonight, big shout out to him...he reads this sometimes. *hugs*

As for everything else, life sucks...sucks a lot....I'm screaming inside...but smiling on the outside...it's what we do right?

On a more lighter note I managed to get the rest of my stuff into the bin after ramming the crap in with a plank.

It's a big night tonight, A Sheffield footy derby...My beloved Blades against the "pigs" the Owls...COME ON YOU BLADES!!!!!!!!!!!! I want it to be 2-0, first person to score Billy Sharp. And if any of you are footy fans the title of this post is for the sheffield united fan song!! Wish I was going....

I'm bored shitless, and the stuff I have had to do, I got done early...so I decided to do 2 lists...

Top 5 things that make me smile...

#1 My daughter...this kid does armpit farts in the most unusual places, like the job centre...
#2 Horror Films...I laugh my arse off at horror films, went to watch the SAW series at the cinema, in fits of laughter...not many people tend to laugh...odd!
#3 Farting...it's just plain funny..although I never fart in public or so anyone can hear..just find it amusing when others do
#4 Flowers...not that I get any, but when i buy them for myself it's really nice
#5 Gucci Envy me...MY fav perfume..the smell alone lifts my mood.

Top 5 things that piss me off this week (up to now)

#1 My boobs....mind of their fucking own springs to mind
#2 Virgin Media...couldn't organise an orgy at a brothel springs to mind
#3 Couples...Would have been number one if I hadn't witnessed an argument with one..but still lovey dovey people make me sick into my mouth...PDA's suck!
#4 Neighbours kids...for fucks sake my kid isn't playing out as she is SICK!! God they knocked 14 times yesterday, do they not understand english?
#5 Phones...I threw mine against the wall this morning, it didn't break..shame.

I woke up in a completely good mood, checks my mobile phone, nothing...odd, normally I have nice texts and sometimes dumb ones...the joke ones that you have seen a hundred times, but still make you smile, because you're a bit daft and find certain childish things amusing...maybe thats just me. I got sweet F.A (fuck all) this morning...so I goes to brush the furry mouth..then I hear *ding*...this is my messaging beep...i cannot stand stupid tones, they piss me off, I like it to just ring and beep...the stupid ass shit people use is enough for me to think tosser...anyways back on subject! It's my ex, now usually we exchange a, can I pick the daughter up text, which i say yes or no..I'm pretty chilled and let him see her whenever, because I'm not some bitch. Well today was different, and the reason being is this, I found out some stuff this weekend, and let's just say I'm not pleased.

I trust no one completely, I never let people fully into who I am, I never let them know more than they need to, because in all honesty people are wankers, they use information when needed to throw in your face...I started to trust my friend of 2 years lately, only to find out she gave my ex her number. Now you might think I'm been jealous, but they aren't fucking (not that i'm aware of) But he texts her to get me to go out, I found this out when she was telling me last night about something, and I said oh yeah Carl wants me to go out, but told him to keep out my business...only for her to fuck up and say, yeah he text me about it....So i said woah woah woah...he text you? She said yeah but he's only got my number because you left it on that phone...i said how could i have...its your new number, and you've only had it 17 days...I haven't had that phone cunto has got for 6 months...She then started saying some shit and changed the subject. So this weekend I learnt that people are fickle, users, liars and say a lot of shit that frankly is not true. This morning he has text me saying how he never texts my friends etc, you know what I have replied back to him and said?

Absolutly nothing, you want to know why? Because I have kind of lost faith in the people around me, and also whats the point? I don't care that he does that, I cared that she always replied back to him. That for me is the loyalty gone.

So can someone tell me, who the fuck is loyal? Why on this green bastard earth should I ever trust anyone? Simple, I probably won't now, because no matter who, friends or family, people wait to see you either trip up, or pounce on you to fuck you over. Now do you see why I am jaded with life?

Berry Fact 1005 I find Jim Carrey a boring actor, same fucking thing every film. With the exception of number 23...although even then he still reminded me of every other part he has played. My kid adores him, I loathe him..

Fucked up weekend, fucked up start to the week, and I hate everyone. I do not want double glazing fucking windows, no i don't want to renew my car insurance...on a car I don't have, and no I don't want to buy an E tablet, because i'm fucking nuts in the head as it is. I would tell you how I truly felt if I knew you would even give a crap...Oh and when oh when will virgin send me a bill BEFORE cutting me off...tossers.

I decided on something today, that for one week I'm going without meds....just to see how crazy i can feel. Let the games begin.

On a more lighter note, I learnt today that no matter how much you try you cannot fit more than 4 black bags full of rubbish into a wheelie bin...I got my kid jumping on it, my dog was in it...just would not play ball.

Berry fact 1004 I vent on here because I have no idea how to vent my anger in person...

Thats all for now, nothing to see here move along.