I get caught up somedays in my whole crappy moods, not long now before my proper assessment...I had an assessment 2 years ago, but they wanted me on some stuff that made me zombiefied. So i finally get a new assessment to see how much meds I truly need. I found this list because my doctor gave me some websites for me to look at...but I said why? Because i already know how i feel...she said show family and friends why you are like you are....so this is a list you should never say to someone with severe bi polar disorder

* "What's your problem?"
* Will you stop that constant whining?"
* What makes you think that anyone cares?"
* "Have you gotten tired yet of all this me-me-me stuff?"
* "You just need to give yourself a kick in the rear"
* "But it's all in your mind"
* "I thought you were stronger than that"
* "No one ever said life was fair"
* "Pull yourself up by your bootstraps"
* "Why don't you just grow up?"
* "Stop feeling sorry for yourself"
* "There are a lot of people worse off than you"
* "You have it so good - why aren't you happy?"
* "What do you have to be depressed about?"
* "You think you've got problems..."
* "Well at least it's not that bad"
* "Lighten up"
* "You should get off all those pills"
* "You are what you think"
* "Cheer up"
* "You're always feeling sorry for yourself"
* "Why can't you just be normal?"
* "You need to get out more"
* "Get a grip"
* "Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be"
* "Get a job"
* "You don't 'look' depressed"
* "You're just looking for attention"
* "Everybody has a bad day now and then"
* "Why don't you smile more?"
* "A person your age should be having the time of their life"
* "The only one you're hurting is yourself"
* "You can do anything you want if you just set your mind to it"
* "You brought this on yourself"
* "Get off your rear and do something"
* "Snap out of it"
* "You're always worried about your problems"
* "Just don't think about it"
* "Go out and have some fun"
* "Just try a little harder"
* "I know how you feel - I was depressed once for several days"
* "You'd feel better if you went to church"
* "Shit or get off the pot"
* "What you need is some real tragedy in your life to give you perspective"
* "This too shall pass"
* "Go out and get some fresh air"
* "We all have our cross to bear"
* "You don't like feeling that way? So change it"
* "You're a real downer to be around"
* "You are embarrassing me"
* "You'd feel better if you lost some weight"
* "You're too hard on yourself. Quit being such a perfectionist"
* "Don't take it out on everyone else around you"
* "You are going to lose a lot of friends if you don't snap out of this"
* "You're dragging me down with you"
* "You're just being immature"
* "You are your own worst enemy"
* "That is life - get used to it"
* "My life isn't fun either"
* "You don't care about the rest of us - you're so self-absorbed"

Do you know something...in my fucking life most of that shit has been said to me...because apparently I'm selfish, have tantrums, don't care about anyone, too emotional etc...Well fuck you all, I told you over and over I am ill, and I CANNOT stop been that way at times. I'm just happy there's people out there THAT DO understand my problem. You read my blog and you either think wow she's a moody cunt, or wow she's right, thing is living with this is not damn easy, fair enough people out there have way worse shit, but I am trapped with chemicals making my brain feel this way...you CANNOT CONTROL CHEMICALS ALONE!!!!!!!!!!! And anyone who fucking tells me they can control their "moods" hasn't got bi polar, or only has it mildly...I have asked 14 professionals if you can control bi polar fully yourself, and they all said if you have the mild form yes its easier, but with your condition no. So there you go. I wish i was "just" depressed, seriously, I would be able to slap the fuck out of myself to get me out of it....but right now I don't have "depression" I am certified as fucking mental...how nice.

I want to say to a couple of people fuck off and drop dead, but at the moment I can't let this out in person, I only got ranting here today because I was re reading a message someone sent me and It cuts me deep...so i taunt myself with it...like punishment, showing myself just what I am, and what i've become due to been ill.

One way to hurt me is to say what you feel in words, I find words the most powerful thing, and I get hurt by them more than anything...why? Because I'm a stupid cunt. I let a close few people get to me. Tossers. I've made a choice NO ONE else gets close from now on.

My Aussie friend called me last night, was nice to talk...although I didn't talk much. I say around 20 words a day lately....i just let others talk while I space out and think of ways to cut myself. I get a glazed expression...or vacant as my friend says.

P.S I love you

And I love NOT BOB's Avvie....will steal that sometime...