How do you begin to ever let someone in, when you do why do you instantly regret it...why do they say one thing and do another....why do they sometimes never chase you when you have those tears...why can't you ever accept the fact they think you are beautiful. I am battling with myself because I let some in close, and I feel it was my biggest downfall to date.

I never lied to anyone about me, I'm an emotional fucked up weirdo. If I cry in front of you it's because I feel I can do that, if I cry because of you it's because you got deep into me, I hate looking weak, and lately I have become that person. I hate myself, no i loathe myself with a passion, i stayed in the shower for 2 hours hoping to wash away the pain i feel...it's still there.

I have nothing to offer anyone...I live in this shell because I have to. I'm not suicidal or that depressed, just mad at myself for been a dickhead...