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Posts archive for: 25 April, 2008
  • Autumn, Mafia stuff and Cheech

    I frequent an online mafia game, I used to be a helper on one, and had fun, but realised cheating was rife...kind of deluded me after that. Been on this new one, and I'm kicking arse on it, helps when you are stressed. I like the name Autumn so thats the name I use.

    I went for a job interview today, and it did not go well. I answered all questions, except one. Which in all honesty he was been a dick about. He was fishing about my personal life, and status regarding more kids, but doing it a round about way. He obviously wants a male for the role. Tosser.

    I found myself bored today, so I sorted out my penny jar...I felt rich.

    I'm quite depressed today, but in a funny way i'm bearing up quite well, I actually didn't mind cleaning the toilet...it's not like Shan's going to do it...

    I need a haircut, as my hair is getting frizzy and too long.

    I don't feel inspired to write today, because I am full of the "fuck you" stuff, and a little bit of woe on top.

    Berry Fact....I have a secret....i don't have any feeling in 2 fingers on my right hand, due to my wrist bones having a condition called "ulner shortening" it's rare and i have no big bone poking out where my wrist is, hence why i wear bracelets. The smaller bone traps the nerves and gives me so much pain I sometimes wish I could chop my hand off....I've never admitted this before.

  • I can't breathe

    How do you begin to ever let someone in, when you do why do you instantly regret it...why do they say one thing and do another....why do they sometimes never chase you when you have those tears...why can't you ever accept the fact they think you are beautiful. I am battling with myself because I let some in close, and I feel it was my biggest downfall to date.

    I never lied to anyone about me, I'm an emotional fucked up weirdo. If I cry in front of you it's because I feel I can do that, if I cry because of you it's because you got deep into me, I hate looking weak, and lately I have become that person. I hate myself, no i loathe myself with a passion, i stayed in the shower for 2 hours hoping to wash away the pain i feel...it's still there.

    I have nothing to offer anyone...I live in this shell because I have to. I'm not suicidal or that depressed, just mad at myself for been a dickhead...

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