I think I should probably not discuss my current dilemmas, but might as well. Today I kind of feel like someone has bulldozed my entire life...I finally got my next appointment for the crazy people...13th May...I'm scared because this means I have to force myself to dissect my whole mood swings in front of a total stranger...and if I don't i'm royally buggered. So I have 3 weeks to make myself "open" fuckity fuck fuck....

I found out I'm actually in debt to the bank and I have no overdraft...shit. Some random person called me up at 9 am, demanding I give them my bank stuff, and password, I said who's this the fucking government? He said No whats the password on the account, I said you called me fucker, now call me when I'm in a better mood and when your attitude borderlines on nice.

*slams phone down* ok i lied it's a cordless so i pressed the button for put phone down...sheesh I felt so guilty just then!

I'm having worse nightmares than ever, they make me feel the pain sometimes, no idea why, but they are graphic and I feel like i'm actually there, so i wake up more tired than when I went to sleep. I'm scared to sleep sometimes, explaining this is hard.

I'm troubled every minute of the day, the more I get to sit and be quiet, the worse it is..I begin to think more things and then I can't stand it anymore so I have to think of ways to pass out...I don't tell anyone this but sometimes I would rather sleep in the day because my thoughts tend to be at the height of crazyiness in the day...I used to get drunk just to sleep, but then I found my dreams the worser place to be. I appear to be nice to some people, and yes I am, but I am a troubled person, with more in my head than I talk about.

I still worry about a person on my blogger friends list, I find myself reading what they say and then thinking more about stuff....maybe I just like how they write. I would never say who it is I'm talking about, because it suprises even me why I care...

My song collection has grown and I'm back onto metal, this is a relief for my daughter, as she said I was beginning to sound like a pansy...She's a very honest kid, maybe its because I had her young, maybe I'm young minded too, but somedays when I feel like I should just stay in bed and never wake up...she gives me that reason to nag...bless!

I miss my Aussie friend a lot, they were over here visiting a few weeks ago, and I want her to come back, she's been my online friend for 8 years, I met her the first time I used yahoo chat, which I would never ever dare venture into these days, We became friends, then wrote to each other, she's been over before, but seeing her again made me happy. I miss her hugs actually....

Berry fact....I have a set routine when it comes to making toast, if I break it I can't eat my toast.