Epiphany Of The Jaded Reprobate

You didn't let me down, because I had no faith in you in the first place. I expected you to do what you did, so don't worry about it. I am still ok today, I know that later my real friends and family will be there, just for me to be me. No drama, no stress, I wing my moods, you just don't understand me. Just like I will never understand you.

I am loved by the very few people I want to be loved by, and along the way I am meeting like minded people along the way...a few on my blog friends list to be honest.

I am stronger than you seem to think, I battle things mostly on my own...you think I can't cope, yes I can, I just let my true feelings out here and to people I trust.

So to whom is this post to...my conscience? myself? or you the reader?

I know who this is to, and it's to someone who knows me in person...no one online.

I am my own worst enemy somedays, and somedays it is better to keep that enemy as close as poss. Because for every TRUE person in your life, you have 5 enemys waiting to bring you down.

I have lost my love altogether for ice hockey, and this has killed me in a way...but i figured I could always support Hull, thats where a lot of my ice hockey friends are anyway. The steelers lost their joy for me a while ago, and I think it's when I realised Hull stingrays were the underdog, underpaid, overworked and low budget. People in Sheffield are spoilt and always relive the glory days...well how about changing your attitudes...I don't fit in there. Never did when I went as a teen, never will as an adult.

Berry fact....I'm very supple for a fatgirl, can cross my legs, do yoga and even nearly the crab...but I can't get me arse back up....

I'm not much into gossip, so i'll not repeat the stuff about my neighbour. Just thought I'd tell you i'm not. Today I haven't eaten so good, and I'm pretty down, so those words "cheer up" actually made me want to kill the person who said those two little words.
I'm not suicidal nor am I incapable of not actually moving, today I just wish people would give me a wide berth, leave me the fuck alone and stop asking me questions I really don't give a crap about...like this one....

Neighbour: "Hi Carla, did you see my new man?"
Me: "Nope"
N: "Oh he had the red beemer"
Me: "and?"
N: "Cheer up, it might never happen."
Me: "Yeah it has, you spoke to me"

She stood there a bit gobsmacked, she's lucky I actually didn't say fuck off...This woman pisses me off, her kid pisses me off...she had weightloss surgery at £8000 and she was only 15 stone...apparently. She wasn't as fat as me, and in all honesty, she's not going to be pretty no matter what she does. Now I say this, I'm not superficial, but her personality shines through to me, so I find her ugly in every way possible. Personally if she had a prob with her weight, then maybe she should stop going to the ice cream man 2 times when hes on our street.

I can tolerate some stuff today, just not stupid people. I don't really know what else to blog about, because at the moment I'm keeping a lot bottled up.