Reason I named this post that is because they don't make sense....same as the morning I just had.
If someone says they read your blog, then the next min they don't...what do they mean? If someone says they don't know what love is, then says I hurt them, what does it mean? I am confused as shit by people....I am pretty stupid to be honest. I try and be just me, yet it's not enough. I cannot be friends with a guy and love him, because apparently that means we are fucking.
Why can't you people out there in the world just be fucking honest, blunt or straight to the point, why must it be cryptic stuff...I DO NOT fair well with cryptic messages.
I'm in a good mood still, but had a cry earlier, was better to let it out.
People are two faced, I found this out today in a bad way...and I came to realise why I only trust a handful(if that) of people..I sometimes read back what I've written in previous weeks, but not because I think yeah I'm great, but because I see at times I have a very biased view on matters....as we all do when it's our point of view. But does this mean what i am writing isn't the truth...no, it means it's the truth from my perspective. Today i felt like this has been taken away from me, and I feel pretty cut up about it. I don't write this for people to use against me, I write it to get my own feelings out, because as I keep saying...I do not feel like shit most weeks out of choice...I don't have "depression" I feel like i do because of the way my body pumps out fucked up hormones. Please understand this.
I love my daughter, yes I hate most people, yes I sometimes wish I could change stuff, just like most people do...Yet when I feel like I have lost the will to live, I think of one thing, and while my own mind and body is willing me to do those things, I think of my kid. Thats fucking willpower...I DO NOT want to feel like I do. I despise it. My mum goes through more pain than I can ever imagine, I sometimes wish i could take everyones pain away, but I can't, and while I am battling my own illness, please don't take away the fact I am battling this slowly and without pressuring my own family.
I'm kind of tired of pouring my heart out and then people knowing me, or thinking they do. To look at me in the street, you wouldn't look twice, maybe at bus stops you would strike up a convo, but overall, I too am just a nobody. Only for once in my wank life i choose to stand up and let myself be heard.
