Ok first things first, I am in a really pissed off aggrivated mood, I won't tone this fucker down, sorry but i won't, I gave it a warning because if anyone gives me shit and bitches about this, and trust me pussy motherfuckers do, I will let rip....
MSN is such a stupid bastard I just about threw my lappy into kingdom come...the only thing that stopped me, was remembering my dickhead ex breaking my most cherished HP...I fucking hate this piece of shit sony vaio, but still it works. But msn can kiss my fucking royally fat fucking arse today.
Jevo's...for fucks sake the next one to darken my doorway will get a nice golf club around the head, when you're off on one...the only thing you do is this...call the doc, because frankly you can't stop how you feel. So I was all set to go to the docs at 1 30 pm, when what the fuck...this stupid cunt decides to go on about religion to me...please oh fucking please not when i'm in a shitty mood....So i said you either step away from my personal space and front garden or else I will say stuff you will regret...then he says they can " save" me...that sent me clean over the bastard edge, I said you cannot save someone who fucking sold her soul to pimps, druggies and the devil in return for sex, drugs and eternal damnation...so fuck off before I wrap a baseball bat around your bastard head. He said I gues i caught you at a bad time...YOU DON'T FUCKING SAY KNOBHEAD!
My ex...ok lately I tolerate him, he's a good dad lucky right? This is only because he still wants me, he never actually gives a shit about MY daughter, it's more to get in my good books, so today this motherfucker has had my wrath. He called me during my "mid pissed off" mood, to tell me about his new job....what the fuck do i wanna know for? I'm broke as fuck anyway, and he owes ME money...so he says its packing and I'm dyslexic, I says why didn't you tell them that, and he says he froze....so this got to me...I let rip, and you know what I let fucking rip good style. this is what I said, and bear in mind he cried. Fucking pussy.
Me: "Well tell them then, stop been a fucking pussy, I'm not there to hold your hand, we broke up, and what will your excuse be eh? because "Mr King of all excuses" they know we aren't together...oh and that's because you have to broadcast every detail of the so called relationship we had...so mr fucko, why didn't you step up for once to ANOTHER MAN, and tell him that you can't do the job..."
Knobhead: "I just couldn't...don't shout at me"
Me: " Oh fuck off, to be honest I have enough in my head to explode and right now I want to be left alone, go and talk to your mummy, because you can't use me as your fucking excuse mate."
Berry hangs up and punches wall!
I'm not here to sort out peoples problems, because I have this chemical inbalance problem, that frankly I have no idea how to control, and I am on so many different types of shit that I keep taking the wrong shit...I want to get high, because it's the only time I am truly at ease with my mind. We all normally have our everyday problems in our heads, then we have the extra stress of work, family and stuff...but on top of that a bi polar person is constantly battling themselves, life and conscience and they can't stop it...you can't think, you hear so many conspiracy things, that you begin to believe your family is wanting to take your kid...You verge on sheer insanity, now me and a few people joke about bi polar, but on a truly fucking bad day, you cannot cope...I cannot cope. My head is such a fucking mess has been all day, I will be calmer tonight, but now it's a mess.
Unfortunatly while I can be a cool person, I am infact a manic depressive, so I feel really doomed to ever having true happiness with love and all the trimmings. Hence why I should stay single.
This is how bad my mania is today, the doc has put me on all new meds called zyprexa...fuck knows what these do, but she made me have one in her office...fucking bitch. Probably wanted to kill me.....well a hour later I'm not dead yet.
I wish some people in my life would either stop talking or live with the fact what they say their actions have reprecussions...Just like my mouth does, but I don't care if I lose friends, I don't care if no one likes me, because if they walk away so easy then FUCK THEM...Wankers.
And today I feel like this...why? I don't fucking know, this is my condition. And the sooner certain people understand I don't have "depression" the fucking better.
On lighter note where is the spell check on here....