I tried not to write a daft blog today, but currently I find when i'm not occupied enough I'm having a lot of thoughts, I realise I can't be alone too much...it's really bizarre...im here all alone, my kid is with her dad. I started playing foo fighters, and i sat down and cried. Something has finally sunk in with me, I push and push and search for something that is only existant in my mind. I over anaylse everything, and this is not a way to live. So how do I change? Will anyone truly love me how I am? Does your heart lie to you? Or is it your head that lies more?

I do not like been like this, I never asked for this, I am bi polar and I cannot change how my mind works. Now meds can help that, but after all these years whats another 2 weeks without any right? This part of a song made me think

I can change, I can change, I can change
But who you want me to be?
I'm the same, I'm the same, I'm the same, what do you want me to be?

I've tried to be what people wanted me to be, and now i refuse to be that way. The foo fighters song The pretender fits people i know. I'm not anyones puppet...I am me!
I am tired of people promising things and then not been what they say. I have a friend who is there when I need a shoulder to cry on, but gets jealous when we are out.

I find it hard to actually love people, and you can have the whole lust thing, but I have found love is deeper than that...it's good, but painful all at once.

*Guncle...<3*