Epiphany Of The Jaded Reprobate

I have a few aqquintances in my life, some of which have more than one kid and a lot younger than mine is. They supposedly never have enough money, yet go out nearly every week and dump their kids on their mothers or anyone who will have them.

I've also had family members bitch about various people in the family doing the same, then they go right around and do the same thing.

It's weird, because I never went out that much, but would drink, I had my daughters Dad as a babysitter, but would wonder why am I out without him? I'm not saying people shouldn't go and enjoy themselves, but why have 2/3 kids, then party all the fucking time. Once a month fair do's, special occasions hell yeah, but nearly every week, and dumping them on people....Maybe people under 25 need a reality check.

Being a mother is one thing, going out on girly nights all the time is another, maybe in most aspects you are unhappy with your life. For me I see the girls where I live and various other people and think they are lucky to have mugs that babysit week in week out.

Is getting pissed the only fun thing for young parents to do these days? We've always done the cinema, meals, days out and social things...but getting hammered without the otherhalf...well isn't for me, and you sure as shit ain;'t happy either, no matter how you kid yourself.

My parents didn't have babysitters on tap, they didn't drink weekly. They went out together and I like to do the same as they did. They inspired me in that way, and I'm glad they weren't massive pissheads who dumped us on anyone and everyone.

I've had a really relaxed and lovely day, birthday messages galore, on texts, facebook, blogs, letters and cards. For me words are what means the most, some of the most important people in my life today, have confirmed why I do let myself be open in a lot of ways.

I have some really great blog friends, whom have got me through dark times and wacky moments, yet still love me....a few of you have also given me confidence when I thought I had none.

I could name individuals and why they are such an amazing person, and to be fair, you all have such different personalities, it just works for me.

I got some wonderful gifts, I felt spoilt and my daughter makes amazing cakes, she takes after my mum for that. Mine stay flat.

I've had a lovely indian meal, and I had a long bath earlier in the day, while listening to the doors....sheer bliss.

Tonight my otherhalf has bought I can only describe as cherryade, but he assures me they are alcohol injected. They taste nice and i'm writing light headed, but i have only had 2. At midnight the NHL is on and the new jersey devils are playing.....my favourite ice hockey team in the world. They must have heard my prayers, as not many of the games are shown live....and on my birthday...must be fate

I saw the Arctic Monkeys over the weekend, they were good, but for me Kasabian are my top favourite, and I'm seeing them next Monday. Friday New Moon is out, and the saddo in me has to see it...plus Little Big Planet portable is out for the PSP so a very good week still to come.

I am happy and content at the moment, things have moved on, and for the next five years my goals are set. I completed my goals from 25-30....so I am confident I can complete this set too.

I am a little concerned at where Martin has disappeared to, I hope he is ok where ever he may be.

Thank you everyone xx

Or 31 to people who are supposedly blood related....but I digress.

I have finally worked so much stuff out this year, it's been a crazy up and down year. I have found my career finally, and I have started to make my raw talent work for me. My bipolar is now beginning to get easier to control, and I feel better with the people I want around me.

I have found though only a few family members will ever be worth it, and that my own family that I have created is my happy place.

For me trust and support is the key, I have that and some good blog friends too.

Music of today is utter shite, except for about 6 bands, the rest mime or use computerised vocals.

I will also be moving soon, and that is when I can cut all ties with the past that made me feel I had to be something else.

Jealousy is not something I have in me, although I have been told that that is why I acted like I did towards some people, infact it is because they clashed with me and bitchy.

I do however know for damn sure I love my daughter so much, and I hope I never make her feel like I was made to feel.

I have also had some good news over my real father, so it is looking good....

But tiny steps for this new 30 yr old, and let's hope I keep on moving forward.